Being an anxious person is never ideal. You’re always thinking about the worst possible outcome, about how that person is going to get in their car and be attacked by THE SERIAL KILLER THAT WAS RELEASED FROM JAIL YESTERDAY and then they are going to be in hospital and how you are going to have to tell their family, and how you are going to cry on their deathbed feeling helpless because you knew this was gonna happen but you didn’t stop it!!!!!!
Or something like that.
I feel like a lot of people misunderstand and think you are just a total idiot for going to the extreme end of the ‘Things that can go wrong’ spectrum. It is not a crazy thing – for me, it is a preparation thing.
I feel that with situations where I have no control, and dangerous situations mind you, it is a defensive mechanism so, in the absolutely insane chance that it actually happened, I could protect myself. Like arming myself with just my little ol’ thoughts.
When you are with someone that is the complete opposite of anxious, it can make things extremely difficult. It looks like you are trying to start something, or make a big deal out of nothing – but it really is something unavoidable. Things that may seem pretty average in risk automatically is turned into a situation of amazingly serious and dangerous proportions.
My thoughts take me hostage and bombard my mind – it’s like 10 Things I Hate About You where all these people turned up for an insane house party at Bogey Lowenstein’s (Bogey = me) that he didn’t know was happening. They rush in the door, smash things in the process, making your pleas for them to leave basically pointless. You stand there absolutely helpless, all the while you have no idea how to handle any of it.
You give up, try to pretend like it is all good and end up making yourself sick with worry until the situation is over.
Or at least, until the next situation begins. (Oh and honey you can bet your sweet life on it).